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The second pressing concern is what to tell the kids about the infidelity.My first piece of advice here is that you need to remember that whatever you say now cannot be unsaid later on, so temper your comments.
There is a time and a place in romantic relationships for sexual activity, and this is not it. If your partner is serious about saving your relationship, he or she will agree to and abide by these conditions without much fuss. Unfortunately, that probably won’t occur as quickly as either of you might like.
Instead, he or she is invested in your emotional health and long-term happiness.
Therefore, his or her priority will be guiding you toward the best possible decisions, taking into account your highly individualized needs and desires. Most betrayed spouses want to know much more about what happened than the cheater would like to tell. In fact, gaining this knowledge is empowering and an integral part of the healing process.
Usually the betrayed partner has very basic questions, and needs straightforward support.
Quite frankly, at no point during my two-plus decades as a psychotherapist specializing in sexual intimacy and betrayal concerns has this been more apparent than right now, in the wake of the Ashley Madison hack.
Better yet, turn to a therapist who can listen and provide objective support and advice.
Unlike friends and family, a professional therapist is not emotionally invested in your relationship.First of all, don’t “go public” on social media or elsewhere.This sort of aggressive behavior can do a lot of damage not only to the cheater, but to you, your kids, and other family members.Most likely your spouse has been hooking up with other adults, so he or she is not a direct danger to your kids.However, your kids could still be inadvertently exposed age-inappropriate sexual materials (online pornography, sexualized chat sites, etc.) and this possibility must be addressed—the sooner the better.Most often in the immediate aftermath of learning about a betrayal, they are just trying to figure out how to get through the day.